


I'm The Best Worst Thing That Hasn't Happened To You Yet

by lexterminate



Series: Love Never Wanted Me, But I Took It Anyway [9]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer, The 100
Genre: F/M, It's finally happening
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2015-11-24
Packaged: 2018-05-03 06:03:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,364
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5279531
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lexterminate/pseuds/lexterminate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Murphy and Faith confess their secrets and talk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm The Best Worst Thing That Hasn't Happened To You Yet

Faith and Murphy were back in her one room apartment. It was quiet and they stared at each other from across the small room until Murphy broke the silence. “We should talk,” he said, meeting her eyes.

“About what? There’s nothing I need to say.” Faith shrugged. 

“Like hell there’s not,” Murphy shook his head, hair falling in his face. “I’ll go first— I left home because the only person who gave a shit about me, my sister, Bellamy, died in a car crash coming home from college to visit me. My parents blamed me and it wasn’t worth sticking around after that.” 

The dark-haired boy took a breath. It was the first time he had admitted any of this out loud. he fingered the silver cross around his neck before squeezing it in his fist. It was all he had left of his sister and only friend. “I didn’t know what I was looking for when I left home, but then I met you and it’s like maybe I don’t have to be alone after all. I know I don’t really know you and I get the feeling that no one really does, but I think you’re a lot like me. Alone and maybe even scared, but you’d never admit it…” He let go of the cross and Faith watched him.

“I‘m sorry about your sister, but what’s your point? I’ve always been alone, people always leave. My Watcher and the Mayor…and Robin. That’s just how it is. Why do you care?” She asked him, speaking up before he had a chance to continue. 

“Because I don’t want to be alone and I don’t think you do either,” Murphy told her. 

“Are you trying to ask me to be your girlfriend, Murphy?” Faith asked, trying to lighten the mood.

“No… Yes. I don’t know,” the boy stop-started, before admitting, “I just want you to know I’m here and I’m staying as long as you let me.” 

The slayer nodded. “Okay.” Their eyes met again and Murphy had more to say.

“You’re worth it. Nothing else here is, but you are.”

“You don’t even know me, Murphy,” she told him, adding, “You said so yourself.” 

“I know enough. You save people, Faith. You saved me when I was left for dead, took me in when you didn’t have to,” he explained, “and I know about you beating up Spike for me. Even if it’s a blow to my manly dignity, that means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me.”

Faith looked at the floor, focusing on a crack in the tile. “I didn’t always save people. I killed somebody once.” 

“We all have a past, Faith,” Murphy said, taking two steps closer to her. “We all have things we regret. In different circumstances, I could kill too. We do what we have to. It’s not who we are.” 

“It was an accident,” she told him.

 He had questions, but he didn’t ask them. Murphy didn’t want to push her into telling him anything. “You don’t have to tell me.”

“I want to. I never really said it out loud before,” she explained, "I told Buffy that I didn’t care, that it didn’t matter, but that’s only because if I admitted how much I really did care, I couldn’t handle the pain of it. The truth really does hurt worse than any lie sometimes.”

“I know. It’s okay,” he tried to comfort her. He touched her shoulder gently. 

Faith didn’t pull away. Instead, she looked back up at him. “It’s not though…I killed a person. I thought he was a vampire, but I was wrong. I drove a stake through his heart. His blood was on my hands. I remember every detail— the way he screamed, how it felt when I realized what I’d done. I had to shut it all out or I would have drowned in it. I can’t ever make up for what I did.” 

It was Faith’s for a confession and Murphy hadn’t expected it. He watched her open herself up to him and be vulnerable. She was on the verge of tears and Murphy couldn’t help but think she was beautiful despite the circumstances. He pulled her into his arms and held her,mumbling into her hair. 

“Faith, it’s hard, I know that, but I also know you’re going to be okay. I’m right here. Just let it out and let it go. It’ll swallow you whole if you don’t. You’re still a hero, my hero,” he told her before pulling away from the hug and taking her hand. He pulled her over to the bed, so they could sit and he could wrap an arm around her shoulders. Faith lay her head against Murphy. She was tired of being tough and around Murphy, she felt like she could let down her guard. He made her feel safe.  

“I want to tell you a story… although I’ve never killed someone, I’ve done worse. I’ve ruined lives. When I was younger, I got bullied a lot. Pranked. Pushed around. Once, they tied me up and stuffed a gag in my mouth. They left me alone in a dark room for hours. After that, I changed. I was tired of being afraid and getting beat up. So, I became the bully and learned to fight back. I got mad and I got even, except I was worse. I found my bullies and did to them what was done to me, but I filled the room with thick smoke and a couple trash can fires. It turned out one of the guys had asthma and he stopped breathing. He’s still alive, but he’s brain dead and I have to live with that the rest of my life. You can’t apologize to a vegetable,” he told the story slowly and deliberately. It was his darkest memory, but he trusted Faith and knew she needed to hear it.

Faith lifted her head to look at him. “I wasn’t expecting that. I’m sorry.”

“Like I said, we all have a past, but we can’t let it define us,” he told her. “Let’s get some sleep.” He shifted so that he could lay down and tugged on her arm to join him. The vampire slayer allowed herself to lay down beside him, her back pressed against him and his arm draped over her. She found his hand with hers, linking their fingers.

“When people leave, they never come back,” she asked, whispering.

He squeezed her fingers. “I'm not leaving,” he whispered back.

“Really?” she asked.

“Was that a yes? It sounded like a yes,” he asked her.

“Maybe,” she teased.

“Good enough for me,” he pressed a kiss to the back of her neck and closed his eyes. 

They were both hoping this would be good.

***

It was early morning and Faith awoke with Murphy still clinging to her. She’d never met anybody like him before and it surprised her how much she wanted this, whatever it was, to last. She turned to face him; he was still asleep, eyes closed and mouth slightly open. His broken nose was swollen and bruised, but it looked like it was healing. She kissed the corner of his mouth. It was probably best to let him sleep. Burying her face in his chest, she thought about what this meant. 

Faith wasn’t alone, not anymore. It was scary, but also exhilarating. Robin had challenged her and Murphy did too, but it was different. She didn’t tell Robin her secrets, she hadn’t wanted to and he never asked. Murphy didn’t push, but when he offered his own stories, she had wanted to share hers. They were similarly broken and it held them together. Murphy didn’t judge her or ask questions, he just let her feel and she liked that about him. They stayed like that for a long time. She smiled to herself, feeling immensely satisfied by something that wasn’t sex. It was different, but nice. With her head against Murphy’s chest, she could feel the steady _thump-thump_ of his heart; a constant reminder that he was here with her. A promise she hoped he wouldn’t break. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you all are still enjoying. Leave a comment and let me know.


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